There are things about people that I’ll never understand. One of those things that has been on my mind lately is how people can let other people in online forums get under their skin. I’ve been participating in online forums since the late ’80s, using PCBoard and Fidonet, and I never could understand how someone could let a complete stranger bait them into losing their cool and question their own self-worth.
This has happened recently on an online forum that I really enjoy participating in. I’ve met some good people on this forum over the years that I’ve participated there and some of them have become actual good friends that I believe I could count in a time of need. A few have already proven that when my mother died. They were there with me and helping me get through the grief and mourning.
People come and go on this board. Some hang around for a month or so and then disappear some may hang around for a year or more. A few stick with it and make close friends. Every now and then someone gets so comfortable with the people that they know are there that they forget that it is a public place that can be read by anyone and post something way to personal to tell in public. When that happens there will always be someone there to tell just how foolish they were to post that intimate bit of information in a public forum.
Sometimes people are just venting and it comes out as a whine. Again someone will POP up to tell them what a whiner they are. I’ve seen it happen over and over and I’m always amazed at how personal people will take these assholes that respond back to them with a blunt reality check. Yeah, they are rude and crude and they make you look at what you wrote and see it for the rationalization that it really is and they make you be honest with yourself…. or at least see yourself through their eyes.
It always amazes me then when the person being attacked starts to try to defend themselves to these assholes. The parts the asshole got right you need to accept it and learn from it but the parts they have wrong… well, who are they for you to care what they think of you. How can someone who should mean nothing to you have such a hold on your opinion of yourself that you take their bait and get into a flame war with them?
It isn’t worth getting your blood pressure up arguing with these trolls. If you want to fluster them, take a long hard look at yourself and agree with them on the points they may have right. Concede your faults and see what happens. It’s a lot better doing that than getting your blood pressure up trying to prove to someone that really doesn’t matter that you are actually a good person with no faults.
I’ll never undestand why more people don’t see it the way I do.
3 responses so far ↓
1 Felix Miller // Aug 31, 2004 at 6:14 am
You are so right, Larry. Anybody who has read even one flame post by a certain “asshole” knows the futility of responding in kind…or any other way. To respond to such a troll is to escalate the flame, and the flame war warrior revels in it.
Flame wars are not what I value in online life.
2 Larry // Aug 31, 2004 at 10:23 am
Actually, I can enjoy a good flame war if it is brief and witty but those are usually held between two seasoned veterens of online forums. Those unsuspecting souls that are enticed into them though… I’m with you.
3 Alice // Apr 17, 2005 at 1:43 pm
I came upon your site while searching for “taking things too seriously.” Reading your perspective made me laugh, because I tend to take forum posts more personally than I should (I go to school with everyone) and will end up complaining to my boyfriend offline. On the other hand, it’s translated into my boyfriend thinking I’m uber-sensitive and take things too seriously. He will unconsciously rub it in my face when we get into debates or arguments. I will agree with him that I do tend to do that, but it always negates my salient points. To get back to topic, I admit you’re right that it isn’t worth the elevating blood pressure, etc. I’ll remember your wise words whenever I’m posting online. =)
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